Who Knew I Was Such A Feminist?

The other night I received a 3 am (so I guess the other morning) phone call from a guy I had gone on one date with two months ago. I chose not to answer the call since I probably would have yelled obscenities I would later regret. It was Saturday morning, the first time all week I could sleep soundly through the night with no alarm clock, and I am tossed from my slumber by a loud ringing on my IPhone – I know, my fault for not silencing the phone. I was hesitant to respond in the morning since the communication we had previously shared had not gone well…

He contacted me three days after our date to say “Happy your people’s day” on St. Patrick’s Day, I wrote back a cheery thank you. Asked me a week later why I hadn’t blogged about our date. I wrote back that I kept some things private…until now, of course. He responded one day later “Want to see each other again?” I responded with a “sure” but that he didn’t seem too eager to see me since two weeks had passed since our last date. He responded 24 hrs later saying his family had been in town. I “forgot” to answer him.

But curiosity got the best of me, and I thought perhaps I had written this guy off too soon. Why else would he think it was okay to call me at 3am? We never did any of the things that people usually do at 3am, so I thought naively, “maybe he’s just up late and wants to chat.”(How many of you are rolling your eyes right now?) I text him when I woke up and asked if he needed to be bailed out of jail – another plausible explanation. He apologized for the call and stated his reasoning was that “my friends were in town and asked if I knew a cute redhead.”

Huh…That’s why you called?!

I was immediately turned off, but couldn’t quite figure out why. He had done this before we met each other too. When we had started chatting on OkCupid, one of his first comments was, “You’re cute!” My response was to change the subject. I wasn’t sure exactly what my problem was until I started to work it out in my head. At first I thought it was a self image problem. “Don’t call me cute, because I’m not” sort of deal, but that wasn’t it. Looks are important in any relationship – it’s a fact that you must be slightly attracted to someone for there to be chemistry. However, at least in my world, there is so much more to a person and it’s that extra “stuff” that I fall for. I’ve liked other guys in the past. Head over heels, infatuated, dressed up, put make-up on and straightened my hair so he’d notice me liked guys. And I found them attractive. Very attractive. But they were also smart, sweet, funny, caring, creative, motivated guys. The attraction grew from all of those other great qualities.

So turns out I don’t enjoy being objectified (Apologies if anyone has stopped reading because they feel I’m being over dramatic.) This person had met me once. He knew nothing about me, and when his buddies came over and asked for a “cute” redhead, he called one up not caring that he had never offered to take her out again and not caring that he was probably waking her up. I know, he was drunk blah blah blah. What exactly did they think would happen? The cute redhead was going to put on her shoes and come over for a group hug? I’m sure he didn’t realize he had offended me, and I played it off. I kept chatting like the nice, easy going girl I pretend to be, and when he left the conversation with no need for me to respond, I didn’t. I won’t see this person again. I considered it before, but now the chemistry is gone, my annoyance would probably be apparent and there are just too many fish in the sea (note square peg, round hole metaphor from a few posts back.)

When Life Gives You Lemons...

I’ve been keeping some important news to myself for quite a while, but figured it was time to share. The truth shall set you free, no? My internship, which has given me so much over the past 8 months including hands on experience and great networking opportunities, is ending on June 17th with no full time position in sight. If that weren’t enough, my apartment’s lease is up on May 30th and since I do not potentially have a job after mid-June, I could not take over the lease from my roommate who is moving out of the city to pursue career opportunities. I am so very fortunate to have family so close and will be moving back home to New Jersey for the summer (Almost as if I’m still a college student…ah the memories.) I could spend time, energy and money searching out apartments in need of roommates on Craig’s List, but without a job in sight, this is just not practical. And Craig’s List kinda scares me.

I also need to begin saving again. I know that when you live in a big city at the age of 22, you are expected to scrape by living on spaghettios, but frankly, I haven’t been able to seriously enjoy New York since moving here. With rent, transportation fees, utilities and groceries ($7 for a box of Apple Cinnamon Cheerios? Really, Gristedes?), I have been unable to participate in all of the things I love most about this wonderful city: Broadway shows, fancy restaurants, museums, cab rides, shopping and so much more. I could never leave for long, so I promise the world this is a temporary arrangement (especially since I have been on several internal interviews with different segments of my company – I’m sure something will work out!), but until I save a little money, land the full time, salaried position and have the ability to live in the city AND eat out a few times a week, I will be calling NJ home once again.

I’m disappointed with the situation, but not with myself. In all honesty, I would have been traveling home every weekend of the summer to soak in the Jersey Shore rays anyhow, so this isn’t a tragedy. There is a part of me that wants to be able to do all of this on my own. Moving back in with my parents seems like a step in the wrong direction, but I keep telling myself that now I will have the money to take a writing course on the side and will be able to buy a new pair of shoes from time to time. Some pressure has been removed. For all I know, I could have a new position starting June 20th and what a happy thing that will be, but I will still stay home for a little while in order to make sure I can get the most out of my salary. In this economy, I know I’m not alone, and that’s a good feeling. Unfortunately, job security for the under 25 crowd is not promising. So Mr. President, Excellent job on killing Bin Laden. If you could now work on the economic crisis facing our nation, that would be great. I’d like to be able to move out for good some day. I think my parents would like that too.

The Lady's Got Potential

Please forgive the "Evita" reference in the title - I couldn't help myself. I’m currently reading “Bossypants” by Tina Fey – I love reading memoirs by powerful, smart women. Kelly Cutrone, Ivanka Trump, Tina Fey; all of these women have the common factor of great success, so I read their books hoping their ambitions and motivations will hop off my Kindle and into the section of the brain that gets things done. Of course, reading their words is only the first baby step. I doubt Hillary Clinton or Condoleezza Rice got to where they are today by reading lots of books about other accomplished women – they went out into the world to write their own stories (both of which have 352 pages each in their Hardcover books. Do you think Condi was trying to one up Hil?) Anyway, I always get the urge to go out and change the world after reading a good memoir about working your way to the top. They also make me feel like I’m not doing enough (in a “push yourself harder” way). Kelly lived in the crack den that was Times Square in the early 90’s sleeping on the couches of people she hardly knew. Ivanka, with the Trump name in tow, got her MBA from Wharton, and Tina, well, we know all that Tina has done and continues to do (She’s my favorite “Hollywood”, although I would call her much more New York, lady of the moment).

At the end of one of the chapters of “Bossypants,” Tina writes after “stealing” an office job from a coworker, “That makes me sound like a jerk, I know. But remember the beginning of the story where I was the underdog? No? Me either.” The minute I read that quick paragraph, I knew I needed to write about it. Because although I’ve haven’t come to the point where I have stolen a job from a co-worker, I’m sure the day will come. It’s all in the nature of the business. I was watching an episode of Dexter last night that was titled “Take it!” The episode focused on going after what you want in order to make yourself whole. I then watched Modern Family (I know, too much TV), and Claire gave a quick speech about how you should grab what you want and not worry about the consequences. I felt like God was sending me some sort of message. Your desires are there for the taking, but the “winners” in life are those who do what they need to in order to get ahead. Now, I won’t be killing anyone or doing any unsavory “favors” anytime soon, but I like the determination of not letting setbacks, people or situations stand in your way.

What I want is success. And I intend to achieve it. Who knows, maybe I’ll be the next Tina and write/produce/star in a hit NBC show; Maybe I’ll start a PR firm like Kelly; Maybe I’ll get into Real Estate and market towering buildings to Dubai like Ivanka; Maybe I’ll become Editor in Chief of a major fashion magazine where people write books that turn into movies about me like Anna; Maybe I’ll run for President someday like Hillary (hopefully without the philandering husband by my side). Either way, I won’t be sitting in a cube for the rest of my life inputting numbers into a spread sheet. I see now that realizing your full potential is the ultimate form of liberation.

I hope all of you will also figure out what you want out of life and take it. I would rather have an entire planet of ambitious freaks than lazy couch dwellers living in their parent’s basement at the age of 30. Work hard, save money, spend it on things you want whether it be schooling, traveling, cameras, computers. Take the time to evaluate yourself and then go for it. What’s the worse that can happen? You fail a few times - That’s a million times better than doing nothing at all.