The dating world is full of questions. There are the favorites: "Does he like me?" and “Is this going anywhere?” There are the scary ones for later in the relationship: "Does he want to marry me?" and "When will I meet his mother?" Then there are the questions we ask ourselves very early on: “Who is this person?” “Will he kidnap me after dinner?” These are all important questions that need to be answered, but in this technological age we live in, when do the questions and the search for the answers need to end?
We are able to discover the origins and complete biographies of any person with the click of a mouse. Cyber stalking is nothing new, and most people do it – some with romantic prospects, some with job prospects. We expect to find a person with a credible past attached to a link when we hit the enter key – oh and a picture would be nice as well. The second I search for a person with no trace, new questions run through my mind: Is he a serial killer? Is he a foreign spy? Is he 16? Am I a rational 21st century female doing my homework in order to protect my heart and my bank accounts, or have we taken the mystery out of dating?
My mom and I were chatting earlier today and she said to me, “The only thing I worry about in this age of technology is that people can hide parts of who they are.” Her point was about online dating and going out with people you have zero connections to, but her overall statement was actually incorrect. I explained that back in her younger years, dating was much more secretive. You had no way of knowing if the guy you met at the bar was escaping parole or wanted for murder. Instead, you just hoped that your gut instinct would send you running the other way if red flags started to appear. We don’t have that problem today. If you Google “Katecferg” – which is my twitter name, blog and online dating screen name, All of those things pop up one right after the other. Even Perez Hilton pops up from when he “tweeted” me back in college. You can learn everything about me in .3 seconds.
Patti Stanger, the Millionaire Matchmaker, “tweeted” (there’s that word again) yesterday, "Don’t go into deep details of your life on the first date." Keep it light and breezy, and later when you’re committed, you can chat about your dark past. I agree with the idea – go slow, but is this realistic for our time? Google is not just a website anymore; it’s a verb as well. Oh hey there, I “Googled” you. Technology has made our generation light years ahead of previous ones in so many ways, but when does it begin to hold us back as well? Is there really a “getting to know you” phase anymore? I read your online profile…and found your college essays online. What else do I need to know? There’s a disconnect somewhere, and perhaps it’s time for us to “disconnect” as well. Step away from the internet, trust our instincts and just go with it. A real life conversation will beat out a profile read through or an e-mail any day. And the getting to know you phase is the most exciting part.
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