I tried. I really did. And now it may be time for a little break. You know the oft spoken line, “It’s not you, it’s me” and how we never believe it? Suuuurrre it’s not me. Well, this time, I’m serious: It really is me, not them (sort of). I got bored of online dating. It seemed like a lot of work to reach for something I’m not sure I completely want right now. Maybe when I’m thirty and still sleeping in my queen size bed alone will I decide that scourging the internet is the best way to find a man (maybe at 35?), but right now, a short month before my 22nd birthday, I love being single. I’m not sure if it’s the potential for nice weather, the drive I’m feeling in my career or the fact that I have all these weird quirks that I don’t feel like sharing with another person, but I’ve never been happier than I am right now at this moment. I’m on top of the moon, and I think it has to do with the fact that I’ve never felt so in control of my own life before. Why would I want to share the power just when I’ve found it?
Searching in this interesting online pool, I did discover a lot of things about myself. I learned I can decipher the difference between ideals and reality. I went on a few dates with a nice guy who made it very clear early on that he was not looking for anything serious. I won’t lie; a little part of me was nervous that I would become attached with Mr. unavailable – after all, in the movies it always works out. Carrie landed Mr. Big, didn’t she? But guess what, it never happened – I never got hooked. Me, Miss hopeless romantic, Miss has watched The Notebook so many times she can quote it, Miss Sex and the City episodes tell the story of her life, Miss wanted to be married since she was six and put a pillow case on the back of her head, did not start pining for the number one type of man you should never pine for. We had our fun, we moved on – it was perfect. And I learned that I enjoyed just having fun. I had my life, he had his, and I didn’t ever want to cross the two – who knew Kate could be this easy going? Not me, that’s for sure.
I also learned a little more about what I want out of life, and for now, a serious relationship does not make the cut. I have termed my relationship status as "chronically single" for many years now. I’m that girl, the single friend. Always have been, and hopefully always won’t be. But I made it sound like a disease – “chronically.” Now, I consider myself happily single...and even better, choosing to be single. I found myself working hard to schedule people into my life I wasn’t sure I even liked, and I began to really miss my free and focused single life. I enjoyed coming home to my home, just for me (and my roommate, of course). I love that I have my own space, my own life, my own time to do whatever I please. I’m sure with the right person, all of this will go out the window – I’ll want to see him constantly, talk with him daily and be together as much as possible, which brings me to the most important thing I’ve learned…
I do not have to waste my time forcing a square peg inside a round hole. If it doesn’t fit, it’s not going to. End of story. The right guy will be the right guy, and up until now, I’ve been focusing my energy on the wrong guys. I’m too selfish at this point in my life to waste my time waiting around for some boy to call, or text, or tweet (whatever it is we do nowadays). I don’t play games – I never had the time for them. I believe it doesn’t take that much time to feel the chemistry necessary to build a relationship, so I will stop trying to force it. Online dating has helped me see that I know what I want, I know what I don’t want and I know what I’m willing to put up with – and right now, that’s not a lot. Jobs, apartments, friendships and baby cousins celebrating their first birthdays mean more to me than something that just wasn’t fun anymore.
Of course, I won’t quit completely. I’m sure I’ll leave my profile up and even take a peek from time to time. The act of dating should be fun. It should not feel like my other job. So I think I’m going to try the old fashioned way for a bit. I’m going to enjoy my family, friends and life; I’m going to go to the museums and read in the park and see the Broadway shows I’ve been dying to see, and if Mr. Right happens to be in the Starbucks at the same time I am, well then what a fun spring surprise. If not, I have plenty to keep me occupied. This is New York after all – that’s a pretty reciprocal relationship in itself.
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